A Beautiful Death?

Is there such a thing as a beautiful death? I don't know, but I couldn't think of another way to describe my evening at work.

Late in the afternoon, I received a transfer from another local ER. She was a 58 year old woman, mother of 2. Last night she had a dinner with some of her family members and this morning she spoke with her sister on the phone. Seemingly, today was a normal day for her. Until suddenly, she collapsed at home and her heart stopped. She was taken to a hospital where they performed CPR and intubated her. They were able to get her heart back and maintain her breathing through a ventilator. When they whisked her over to the Cat Scan and discovered she had an aneurysm that had ruptured and was bleeding out.

When she arrived at my ER, she was brain dead and the medical therm "unsalvageable". That was so hard to hear, but I knew from all my training that it was true and that we couldn't do anything to save her. But she looked so young!! She wasn't that very old nursing home patient that we get, who have lead very long lives, seen their children and grandchildren all grow up. She was my parents age.

Shortly, her family began trickling in and by the end of the night there were about 20 of them. Wow, 20 immediately family members that had rushed to the hospital to be with her during her last hours. We struggled to keep her physical body alive so that her family could all convene and say their good byes. And then came an oddly difficult and easy task I had to do.

I gave my patient a large dose of morphine in hopes that she would feel no pain during her last minutes, and then removed her breathing tube. Intellectually I knew this was the right thing to do. I wouldn't have been right to have kept her artificially alive through imposing tubes, but at the same time, I knew that I was assisting with the passing of her life.

But the family did something that silenced me and my fears. They all immediately swarmed around the bed, touched her and prayed. Thank God! She was a saved women who was having the pleasure of leaving this hard life and be in the presence of God. No more pain, sorrow, no more plastic tubes sticking into all of her orifices. She would be walking in the streets of heaven.

The family appropriately mourned and stood by her side until 40minutes later her heart finally slowed down to a complete stop. She was gone. Even after this happened, I still felt like I was running around with my head cut off. The feeling of urgency to make sure I had all the paperwork needed for the release of the physical body to a funeral home, I wanted to make sure (since it was change of shift) I didn't leave my oncoming nurse with any difficult paper work to have to deal with. I wanted to make sure the family had all the privacy and all the support they needed. I had to get the doctor to come in and officially 'pronounce' her. I truly was frazzled and didn't know what to do. For such a beautiful death, with all her loved ones, and no pain, I still had difficulty accepting it.

So is there such thing as a beautiful death? Well, if she were my mother, I would much rather have had our entire family at the bedside praying during her passing, than what so often happens with so many of my other patients. Usually, we are pounding on our patients chest struggling to keep them alive, praying that at least one family member would come to say goodbye. And all to often they die without any family member ever coming. I would want my mother surrounded by those she loves, being escorted to heaven by the prayers of those who love her. I would want a beautiful death for any of my loved ones. Thank you Lord for bringing all of this women's loved ones to her side for the last few hours. Thank you for allowing me to wittness and be a part of her passing.

...But Lord please don't take my loved ones now, I'm not ready.