When we were in grade school and college, friends came out of convience. We saw them daily and were working for the same goal (graduation).
But out here in the real world (yes, I know I'm still in school but I'm not living on campus) friends don't come as easily. So we come to depend on those that we already have.
Then things change again, those friends don't make the effort to meet you half way, or even a quarter of the way. No matter how many times you call, or offer to come over to their house and bring them dinner, they seem to slip away.
Or, if they don't live in the same city or state as you do anymore, they stop calling all together. When you do finally get a hold of them your converstations become generic. Solely about what you did that week and how the family is. Nothing really of any substance.
Or, worst of all, when your friend comes to visit, and then doesn't even call for two days once they have arrived. When they finally do contact you, (after making some lame excues about their battery dying on their cell phone) they state that they will "try to visit you tomorrow".
What now? At what point do you stop trying to make the friendship work and find other friends? And for that matter, how do you go about making new friends? I seem to be making a circle back to the post "Where have all the good man gone?" It's the same situation, bars and clubs are not the answer. And our church is limited in it's sources. Those few that are there already have their tight nitched friends and it is too difficult to try to fit in. It would take as much if not more effort than it does to try to maintain the old friendships.
In short, I'm tired of sitting at home, day and night (when I'm not in school or work) watching stupid old movies with my parents (no offence mom and dad).
People often say that the 20s and 30s are the best years of life, well, I haven't seen much to make me believe that that is remotely true. I think I'd almost perfer taking all the crazy hormones and emotional aspect of the teenage years then what I'm experiencing now.
Sorry for the venting.
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6 comments:
I definitely know that it can be tough to fit into a group that already has their tight niched groups...it took me two years (and being away for another year studying abroad) to find any girlfriends at church....guys are easy to be friends with...you just hang out, make fun of each other and don't talk about your feelings.
But it is nice to have girlfriends too, so that was hard not having any for a long time...but it really took some effort on my part. I had to cultivate some friendships and try not to be too disappointed when they still liked their close friends better than me. But things have gotten MUCH better than when I first started going to Fairfax. It took some work, also not scumbing to my pride and asking someone if they would help me with a problem or if they wanted to hang out...not easy things for me to do.
My suggestion would be to try to make friends in your small group, or if you're not in one, join one. That way you see people at least once a week, maybe more and can try to connect that way. It's not a guarantee, but it's what worked for me. Just a suggestion...sorry you're lonely, I know how it feels.
I completely agree with Margie. Taking steps to make friendships is so important. Don't be offended if people don't call you, especially if you haven't called them. Also, don't think that other people should be the ones to make the first step. You want friends, go and get them. But yeah, it sucks to be lonely and I'm sorry that you've frustrated.
I agree with Margie and Shayna. As an example, I'd offer Stephen Robertson. He takes lots of initiative, and he has more friends than he knows what to do with. That's obviously on the other end of the spectrum from your or me, but a little effort goes a long way, 'cause everybody likes to feel wanted/included.
I might also suggest a small group at McLean. I know several people who made their best friends in the area through that. Plus those girls probably have some male friends...
look out!!! it's another defector from that 'other' church! and he's pulling away someone else!! lol.
You are so very brave to state your feelings openly. One thought is that the Holy Spirit is clearing your calendar for you to have room to become special friends with someone who really needs you. Feeling lonely can be a sacred time when God is whispering to you to seek and discover new insight, new depth, new focus, new concentration, new direction, new understanding. You have been given far too many exceptional talents and blessings for little to be expected of you. I apologize for sounding as if I know how it is. I suspect it can really feel awful to experience all the old close ties slipping away. Is there a scripture about being continually reborn...seems like there is. I believe you will continue to be brave, and then someday soon, like a pioneer, you will step out of the forest into the clearing and witness a new landscape beckoning to you, come.
I totally know how you feel. Keeping up with old friends and making new ones are two of the hardest things to do for many of us. It took me 6-7 months after moving up here to feel like I had one close girl friend and to feel like I had a niche.
And the problem is, even after you make really good friends, life happens. Nothing stays the same. They get married. Start having kids.
It's funny, my best friend from high school is married, pregnant with #2, and I've never seen her kid. I haven't talked with her in 5 years other than 2 or 3 emails.
Lonliness is hard. And it can happen even when you're surrounded by people you love. I'll be praying for an extra measure of God's presence in your life right now. And feel free to call me any weekend...I rarely have things to do in the evenings. I'll let you know what weekends I'm coming back from Harpers Ferry.
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